nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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