Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
