Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!