Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet