So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
