I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
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It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way