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Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
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