I think I am morally bankrupt
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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