I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
