Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
this hospital has no fireball
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
