yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
