Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
