I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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