I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
