i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
