Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
