You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
