So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
