I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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