That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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