I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
