before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
