Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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