my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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