I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
