Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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