there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
