I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
