sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
please come you make the beer taste better
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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