I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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