Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
love makes seman taste better
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
