you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
