Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
