this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
