mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
okay pat passed out under dana's car
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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