you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
