fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
