Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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