i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
