And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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