I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
