apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
