You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
