Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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