mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize