I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
