I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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