I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
