Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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