I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
