??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I supernannyed him into submission
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
