I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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