Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
