Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
