WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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