hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
