this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
