Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
