also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
