there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize