Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
