Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
