All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
