I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
