Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
