got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
