there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
